20 Bizarre Engagement Customs From History, No Diamonds Required

The Romans believed that a vein called the vena amoris ran directly from the fourth finger to the heart, which helped give that finger its romantic significance. There was just one problem: the vein doesn’t exist. What was real was the Roman betrothal tradition. Romans made a firm civil pledge backed by earnest money and confirmed by a simple iron ring called an annulus pronubus. So, romantic symbolism aside, there was some paperwork-and-deposit energy behind the whole thing. The early Romans chose iron to represent modesty rather than extravagance.

In Indigenous Fiji, presenting a tabua was a suitor’s ultimate gesture of respect. A tabua is a polished sperm whale’s tooth affixed to a cord woven from coconut fiber. The tabua is valued for the mana, or spiritual power and prestige, it represents. The Fijians did not actively engage in whaling, but relied upon strandings or trade with Tonga, which certainly made getting your hands on one more complicated than walking into a jewelry store. Thus, the gift of the tabua was a true representation of devotion.

Puritan couples in colonial New England actually shunned jewelry and would exchange plain sewing thimbles during courtship as tokens of the couple’s industrious and modest natures. A 19th-century legend claimed that the top of the thimble would be sawed off and worn as a wedding ring. While this legend remains prevalent, zero 17th-century written records support this claim, and not one altered thimble from that era has ever been found.

Since the Middle Ages, Ashkenazi Jewish couples have formalized their engagement by drawing up a contract called Tna’im, describing the financial and household arrangements, in the presence of witnesses. The contract is concluded when the two mothers smash a plate, making the finality of the agreement rather difficult to miss. (This is different from the glass, which is smashed under the chuppah, or wedding canopy, at the actual wedding ceremony.)

In the past, geese were presented as a betrothal gift because they were believed to mate for life. The rite of betrothal, Jeonanrye, included presenting a wild goose to the bride’s mother during Korea’s Joseon Dynasty. This was the groom’s pledge of his lifelong fidelity to the bride’s family. Later, couples substituted a carved wooden goose, which must have made the trip to meet the in-laws considerably easier.

In 1648, poet Robert Herrick wrote a poem about gimmal rings, which were popular in Europe during the 1500s and 1600s. Two interlocking hoops could be separated into two single rings, which the betrothed bride and groom would wear during their engagement, then join back together on their wedding day to create a single ring worn by the bride. It’s hard to deny they had the symbolism figured out.

In China, Guo Cai, or betrothal presents, is a traditional custom that began during the Han Dynasty, during which the groom’s family would present hampers filled with red envelopes, tea, and cakes as a token of commitment. The bride’s family returns presents, called Hui Li, which certifies the union of the two families.

During the betrothal, in the presence of witnesses, the groom was to provide a wed — a deposit or pledge — to the bride’s guardian, as a guarantee for her financial security. These civil contracts were called weddung. King Cnut’s law, written around 1020 AD in Anglo-Saxon England, described the process. The word may sound considerably more romantic now, but our use of wedding retains this concept of a deposit.

The Jungfrauenbecher is a pair of cups made by a Nuremberg goldsmith in the 16th century. The bottom one is shaped like a skirt, and the little top one swivels on a pivot so that two people can drink a toast of betrothal without spilling a drop. I’d argue that successfully operating the thing together was already a decent test of compatibility.

In a traditional Bedouin engagement, or Khitbah, the groom must bring wealth (the Mahar) in the form of animals, jewelry, or gold coins. By custom and Islamic law, it belongs exclusively to the bride (and not her father or family). After this, a ceremony called Lailat al-Henna, or Night of the Henna, takes place, during which protective signs are painted onto the feet and hands of the bride.

Ancient Athenian legal speeches, including the orator Demosthenes’ Against Leochares, give detailed accounts of an event in which the bride’s father (or other legal guardian) contracted a marriage, or eggye, with the groom, in the presence of witnesses. Without this preliminary agreement, there was no marriage in Classical Athens. At the eggye, the woman was betrothed to bear legitimate children, and her dowry was settled. Romance had some serious administrative competition here!

Love spoons, or llwyau garu in Welsh, were traditionally carved from a single piece of wood by young men to demonstrate both their skill and sincere intentions when courting. Flowers wilt, but a well-carved spoon certainly makes a case for itself. Many of the designs used had a specific meaning; a lock symbolized security, for example, while a horseshoe represented good luck. The oldest known dated love spoon is from 1667 and can be seen at St Fagans National Museum of History. Folklorists have also suggested a link between love spoons and the courtship term “spooning,” although this is unproven.

It may seem a little strange, but in Thailand, the betrothal gold is not for beauty but serves as functional evidence of financial stability. The betrothal gift consists of 24-karat pure gold jewelry, measured in the traditional baht (a unit of gold weighing roughly 15.24 grams). The gold is weighed in front of the families involved in the match, so there wasn’t much room for exaggerating what you brought to the table. This provided tangible proof of the groom’s financial ability to sustain a household. This practice is called Thong Mun, which literally translates to “gold engagement.”

Posy rings combined public commitment with private devotion. Since Medieval times and well into the 1600s, posy rings were worn across Europe. The gold and silver bands appeared plain on the outside, but were inscribed with short, rhyming poetic couplets on the inside. Often expressing religious or romantic sentiments, the inscriptions could be seen only by the wearer. A secret love note you couldn’t accidentally lose in a drawer has its appeal.

During the Yui-no betrothal ceremony in Japan, couples give each other symbolic gifts. Included are items called Shiraga (made of hemp thread, which represents growing old together) and Suehiro (folding fans representing a prosperous future). Presented in lucky odd-numbered sets, usually 5, 7, or 9, and tied with decorative mizuhiki cords, the full set is exchanged between the families before the wedding.

The luckenbooth brooch is a Scottish silver brooch, often featuring hearts surmounted by a crown. These brooches were sold from the lockable booths near St. Giles Cathedral in Edinburgh from the 1600s and used as tokens during courtship or betrothal. Their design is traditionally associated with Mary, Queen of Scots, and her husband, Lord Darnley, but all extant examples date from the 17th century or later.

Jean-Baptiste Mellerio, a jeweler based in Paris, popularized acrostic rings during the early 1800s. An acrostic ring featured a row of diamond, emerald, amethyst, ruby, emerald, sapphire, and topaz (D-E-A-R-E-S-T, using the first letter of each gemstone), which has to be one of history’s more expensive ways of spelling a seven-letter word. Buyers got both a piece of excellent craftsmanship and a hidden love message rolled into one.

Before engaged women were comparing carat weights and admiring the sparkle on their fingers, some couples used rush rings to seal the deal — or at least a temporary version of it. Rush rings were hastily fashioned from rushes, leaves, or grass, so they were obviously less durable than metal jewelry. So, why choose a rush ring? Well, in medieval Europe, people would sometimes use a rush ring for a trial marriage before jumping into a formal church wedding.

Instead of a ring, women in Renaissance Italy sometimes got a painted plate when they were being courted. These plates were known as belle donne (beautiful women), and they were brightly painted with an idealized woman, often accompanied by her name and the word “bella,” meaning “beautiful.”

Betrothal gifts could be items you could wear as well. In medieval and Renaissance Italy, ornate girdles or belts could be given by the groom to his future bride. One surviving Italian example from around 1350-1400 is a belt made from gilded silver and enamel, decorated with figures.

This content was created with the help of AI.