San Diego expert says a trend in youth sports is creating identity crises for athletes. Then he shares how to prevent it: ‘Only 2 things that matter’

Youth sports can often be a deeply involved operation. From private lessons to weekend tournaments, there's no shortage of strategies to secure success for your child.

But one personal trainer says parents often miss a key strategy, and it has nothing to do with coaching or drills.

‘It literally doesn't matter that your kid is the most elite fourth-grade athlete'

Personal trainer Dan Bonafede (@madfastperformance) shares his thoughts on how parents approach youth sports. His video has more than 6,700 views.

“It literally doesn't matter that your kid is the most elite fourth-grade athlete,” Bonafede says. “What does matter is that when they say, ‘Mom, Dad, watch this,' and then do three spins and jump over a stick, that you say, ‘Whoa, that's awesome.' That matters more.”

Bonafede says that parents in general are suffering from an “epidemic of trying to get these kids to be elite athletes.” He adds that the impulse “makes no sense.”

“They're getting trained like pro athletes,” he says. “Parents are spending time and money on private lessons and clinics just for puberty to come along and level out the playing field. It happens every single time.”

As a result, Bonafede says too many children have built their self-image around winning.

“Now you have a kid whose whole identity has been tied to being the best at their sport, because that's all they know,” he says. “And now they're not anymore. Dude, you have adults who can't even deal with an identity crisis. Now you're asking a middle schooler to.”

Bonafede clarifies that he isn't advising against children playing sports in general. Instead, he calls for families to “dial it back a little bit, just for the kid's sake.”

That way, kids have room to “figure out other passions,” “pursue other interests,” and become “well-rounded human [beings].”

“Call me soft, but there's only two things that matter when you're playing sports at that age,” he says. “One, did they have fun? And two, did they try their best? If you can answer yes to both of those questions, you had a successful day at the field.”

What have experts found about early-age sports pressures?

In 2017, psychologists Britton Brewer and Albert Petitpas described “athletic identity foreclosure” in Current Opinion in Psychology. They defined such foreclosure as “commitment to the athlete role in the absence of exploration” of other options.

The abstract said the phenomenon is most pronounced in late adolescence and “has been linked with substance use, career, burnout, and transition issues.”

Moreover, a 2025 study looked at 149 female high school volleyball players. Among highly specialized players, those with a stronger athletic identity reported more anxiety and depression symptoms.

Among moderately specialized players, there was no difference. The authors recommended mental health screening for such athletes, along with teaching “diverse interests outside of one's primary sport.”

A 2021 systematic review in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, which included 10 studies, found a more mixed picture.

A stronger athletic identity appeared to protect against burnout, but injured athletes with one had higher risk of depression. Moving up to a higher level of play during adolescence was associated with a stronger athletic identity.

The Conversation also reported on the potential dangers of early sports specialization, as “the choice to specialise in one sport is seldom decided solely by the child.”

“Often, it's influenced by parents and coaches who encourage the child to specialise early in the belief that this is the best route to success,” The Conversation wrote. “An intense investment in sport at an early age may also impact a child's identity development … if a child doesn't have other hobbies or doesn't try new activities, it can make them feel like their identity is solely tied to the sport they specialise in.”