Los Angeles man tries the waist-grab approach at a bar. Does it still work?: ‘Oh he struck a nerve’
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There are few things more painful than being hit on without provocation—particularly when the encounter drags on too long and becomes awkward.
One Los Angeles woman experienced just that while she was minding her business on a night out. The guy who approached her was, needless to say, less than successful.
‘Do you know where we are?'
Content creator Ellie Leipart (@coldpineappleonpizza) shared a recent encounter at a bar that fit a pattern she'd seen “time and time and time again.” Her video has since accumulated more than 25,000 views.
Leipart said she'd noticed a man eyeing her from across the room before he approached.
“He walks over, immediately puts his hand around my waist,” she said. “I hate when guys walk up, and they put their hand on your waist. Like, I don't know you.”
Leipart said the conversation started ordinarily enough, with the man telling her he'd gone to Syracuse. Then he began pushing her to dance with him. When she flipped the script by asking him to show off his own moves, he admitted he couldn't dance.
So the man made a hard tactical pivot. He instructed Leipart to start asking him questions. Leipart reacted with incredulity, and he said she'd better start asking questions or else “[he's] gone.”
“So I laughed in his face, because that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, and I was like ‘I'm not gonna do that,'” Leipart said. “I don't care to know you. And also you came up to me, and now I'm supposed to like… Go conduct an interview with you in the corner? Do you know where we are? … Everyone around us is dancing. I can barely hear you. The music's so loud.”
After Leipart shut him down, the man left. Leipart expressed frustration with his behavior.
“That is my experience time and time and time and time and time again,” she said. “I can't do it anymore.”
@coldpineappleonpizza in a storytime mood rn idk
What did the man do wrong?
There were a few distinct elements of the man's approach to engaging with Leipart that may be interpreted as “red flags.” Such red flags can cause people, like Leipart, to shut down immediately. One viewer recognized this, commenting, “Oh he struck a nerve.”
The first possible red flag was the man's unsolicited touching. In a BuzzFeed compilation of “first date red flags that you should never overlook,” one woman stressed the importance of only touching “with permission.”
“If you touch me without permission I will be counting down the seconds until the date is over,” BuzzFeed writes, quoting her complaint. “I went on a date with a guy who grabbed my upper arm, shoulder, and waist without asking. I don't know you; don't touch me, and especially don't touch me if I haven't told you that you can.”
The second red flag was the man's repeated attempt to pressure Leipart to dance with him, despite her lack of enthusiasm. A guide on approaching people in bars from Intimacy Liberation Army specifically advises people to avoid being “pushy or aggressive” with advances and to back off the moment someone seems uninterested or uncomfortable.
The third and final red flag was the man's ultimatum, in which he demanded Leipart interview him or he'd leave. Relationship columnist Dr. NerdLove advises men in his “How Are Men Supposed to Approach Women In Bars?” column to distinguish between genuine interest, which adapts to the other person's actual responses, and a scripted “game,” which pushes a rehearsed routine regardless of how the other party actually reacts.
A breakdown of pickup artist tactics from TheTeaReport echoes this warning against “persistence after clear disinterest.”
Buzz News has reached out to Leipart via email.
