Texas man goes to San Antonio grocery store. Then he sees something creepy in the seafood aisle: ‘$5 for a giant monster’

John Card (@johncarddesigns) was at a San Antonio H-E-B when he found a whole monkfish for sale in the chain's Wild Caught case—head, teeth, gaping jaw, $5.97 a pound.

Why Was He Shocked by the H-E-B Seafood Aisle?

The clip is one brief pan around a face only deep water could love: a broad, flat head that runs straight into a cavernous, tooth-lined mouth, the whole fish bagged under an H-E-B Wild Caught sticker.

“What in the Jurassic David Crockett world are they serving at HEB?” Card writes across the screen, stacking a shocked face, screaming face, and skull emoji.

Let's see what the people have to say.

‘H-E-B Really Does Sell Everything Don't They?'

One person encouraged abuse of the poor fish, writing, “I wanna slap it.” Another person joked, “I mean they do say ‘NO store does more,' but they DOING TOO FCKN MUCH NA.”

“The H-E-B by me had this, but fish were in its mouth … scared tf out my baby,” said another woman. But this wasn't uncommon; several commenters posted pictures they took at a few H-E-B locations, showing how the monkfish was staged to look even scarier or funnier.

What Is a Monkfish?

That face belongs to the monkfish, Lophius americanus. NOAA Fisheries describes it as “a broad head with a large mouth,” an ambush predator that lies buried on the bottom and wiggles a modified spine like a fishing rod until prey drifts close enough to swallow whole. They are native to the North Atlantic.

A whole one in a grocery case is the rare part. Tasting Table reports that fish markets tend to put the entire monkfish out “to attract attention and selfie-takers.”

The head normally gets discarded, and the tail is what people actually take home. The tail is the reason anyone bothers. Chef Adam Evans told HowStuffWorks that its lobster-like texture “makes it really special.” This is what another person in the comments noted: “Poor man's lobster!! That fish, cooked correctly, tastes like amazing lobster!!”

Firm and dense, sweet enough to pass for shellfish, it sells at a fraction of lobster's price. Poor man's lobster, teeth not included.

Subplot News reached out to Card via TikTok direct message and comment, and to H-E-B via email for more information. We will update this story if they respond.

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