Woman makes up a fake insecurity to test a guy she’s dating. He fails miserably. Now women are trying it on their partners
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A woman shared a tip to test for negging in a relationship. Her advice? Give a potential partner a fake insecurity to run with and see if they make fun of it in casual conversation.
TikTok content creator Noir_In_Retrograde (@noir_in_retrograde) posted a video explaining a real-world example of her using the strategy. According to her, a potential partner inadvertently made fun of one of her fake insecurities, leading her to conclude she was getting negged.
As of this writing, her post has more than 1.1 million views.
The test
Noir_In_Retrograde's advice is simple. As one commenter put it, “Fake a fear, insecurity, and allergy.” That way, if a potential partner makes fun of a fake insecurity or ignores a fake allergy, it's obvious in a way that isn't dangerous or harmful.
Noir_In_Retrograde offered her own experience as an example. “I told a guy that I was dating that I had always been extremely insecure about my nose, that I thought it ruined my side profile, and I dropped this completely made-up insecurity into a random conversation to see if he would bring it up later,” she said. “Three weeks later … He leans over, boops my nose, and says, ‘Oh my gosh, your nose gets so big when you laugh. That's so cute.'”
The content creator said that his casual affirmation of what was supposed to be her greatest “fear” proved a point. He was willing to make fun of her, even when they were supposed to just have playful banter.
“ He took the exact insecurity that I gave him, validated it as a flaw, and then framed himself as the open-minded guy who thought that my imperfections were charming,” she said. “ This microdose of criticism disguised as affection was meant to make me feel grateful that he found me attractive.”
@noir_in_retrograde
What is negging?
What Noir_In_Retrograde describes—the “microdose of criticism” disguised in plain sight—is negging.
Negging is a form of emotional manipulation wherein someone “[breaks] someone down (with a slightly insulting comment) to increase the attraction between both parties.”
Synthia Stark, a writer and Canadian psychotherapist, told her audience very clearly that negging is a red flag. It's a sign to “either halt, tread carefully (if unable to escape) — or run for the hills (if you catch it early enough).”
Negging can desensitize a person to abusive behavior. A backhanded compliment during the first month of dating can turn into a propensity for cruel words and crueler actions. Healthline notes that negging can “damage your self-esteem and change the way you live. It can also spiral into severe emotional or physical abuse.”
Why get out so early?
Noir_In_Retrograde set up a clear test; her potential partner failed it. But is the test really even necessary in today's dating scene?
For many, the answer is yes. The dating market is readily available at anyone's fingertips—via Tinder, Hinge, matchmakers, and even a chance, non-digital encounter. Now, more than ever, people are spending less time on potential partners that aren't a good match and instead moving on to more fitting prospects.
As a whole, many women are trying to be more cautious when dating. Providing insecurities can feel like providing ammunition. It's common to hear women, such as the one in the content creator's comment section, discuss the ways negging has affected their overall perception of dating.
“[Men] are always saying they don't pay attention or remember things … But when it comes to remembering something that can be used against you as a weapon, they have photographic memory,” one commenter said.
Another commenter said, “Never tell a man your insecurities. They will always use it.”
While providing a fake insecurity may seem like a stretch for some, it appears to be a proven strategy.
Buzz News reached out to Noir_In_Retrograde via TikTok direct message for comment.
